


paperweight

by aeonpathy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cherry Blossoms, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Spring, Symbolism, jaemin centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25475668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeonpathy/pseuds/aeonpathy
Summary: he strolls through the quiet neighborhood until he finds a row of pretty cherry blossom trees on the other side of the street. jaemin thinks back on the conversation from earlier, words ringing in his ears, and finds himself unconsciously walking towards the blossoms.life's too fleeting.
Relationships: implied markhyuck - Relationship, implied renmin - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	paperweight

**Author's Note:**

> heeey...this was a part of the NCT/WayV Fleur Zine which you can find all the info about [here](https://twitter.com/nctwayv_fleur)  
> i had a lot of fun writing this back in february? march? and although i'm still not satisfied with it completely, i think it gets the message across well.

there is warmth in the air.

the sun filters through the curtains, and jaemin believes that this is the quintessential spring day. the wind only sings a lulling melody and the sun only blankets him with love, unlike in the summer, where he’s constantly losing battles with the painful, scorching heat.

jaemin stares at his ceiling for what seems like hours. the soft glow of light in his room makes it so _difficult_ to want to do anything. it’s calming, and jaemin wishes he could freeze time in moments like these. but alas, the world stops for nobody, and he moves his sluggish limbs and escapes the comfort of his blankets.

just thinking about having to leave his room makes him roll his eyes, but he’s supposed to go out with his friends today, because the cherry blossoms have bloomed and that means he’s allowed to take his camera and snap pretty pictures. he’s been inside the whole week and figures he could go out just for a bit. sometimes he wants fresh air; he wants to live a little. 

so he goes to the bathroom with a bounce in his step and with a subtle sway of his hips, music from his phone quietly playing in the background as he brushes his teeth. he zones out eventually, blankly staring at his reflection in the mirror.

the sporadic knocking on his front door startles him and he flinches at the noise.

wiping his mouth, he sighs and makes his way to the door. when he opens it, he’s certainly not surprised to find who it is. renjun’s hand floats in the air, presumably ready to start banging on his door again and behind him stands jeno, who looks unamused.

“what the hell,” jaemin garbles. renjun makes a face at him. “ew, don’t talk with your toothbrush still in your mouth, that’s gross.”

not knowing what to say (he’s been forbidden from talking, apparently), jaemin turns his attention to jeno who, in return, shrugs and just smiles at him. it makes jaemin’s lips curve up slightly, because goddamn, can lee jeno make anything better just by smiling. jaemin’s a little envious, but donghyuck reassures him he has the same effect. 

going back to the bathroom is a task within itself. renjun’s hellbent on distracting him with every given opportunity, asking him questions about what’s in his fridge (as if he wasn’t here last week) and if he’s seen how pretty it’s been outside lately. jeno, bless his kind soul, reminds him that jaemin’s been locked inside his dorm for the past week, trying to study for his final exam.

he finishes brushing his teeth and moves to change into a spring appropriate outfit. renjun’s already there in his room; he’s everywhere, going into his closet and pulling shirts off from where they hang, snatching neatly folded pants from where they lay. 

“i think this will look nice,” renjun says, holding up a cloud-white sweater and, in the other hand, plain ass grey sweats. “simple, but it works with your pink hair. right jeno?”

jeno quirks an eyebrow. “yeah. you’ll look cute.”

jaemin scoffs but puts it on anyways. when he looks at the mirror, he tilts his head to the side, trying to figure out what the hell he’s missing, because he swears something’s missing.

“what if i wore a hat?” he asks, to no one in particular, and not even three seconds later jeno’s shoving a variety of hats into his hands. jaemin flings through a baseball cap, a beanie, a beret, another beanie, more caps, before settling for a pink beanie mark had gotten him. “are we ready to go now?”

“yeah, but don’t forget your camera bag,” renjun calls over his shoulder. jaemin’s camera is already in his hands. he watches jeno take his camera bag, so he instead unhooks his car keys from where they hang on his cork board and quickly slides his feet into his worn out air forces.

he’s out the door. the clouds happily float by and the sky promises him a clear sky. 

_oh, how pretty of a spring day it is._

❀

they’re the last ones to arrive. jaemin knows this because donghyuck’s tapping his wrist while jaemin parks next to mark’s car.

“you’re late, na. do you know how hard it is to drag you outside lately? when’s the last time you and i went to go get breakfast? you know, i miss seeing your face sometimes, and i worry because you’re tired constantly,” donghyuck rambles, pulling jaemin into a tight hug. “it’s good to see you again, man.”

“you saw me two weeks ago,” jaemin deadpans as he turns to mark. “how do you deal with him when he doesn’t see you for a week?”

mark laughs. “when you’ve been best friends with him for as long as i have, you manage. besides, i’m pretty sure donghyuck just wants my money.”

donghyuck shoves mark to the side, which only makes mark laugh even more and he fondly headlocks donghyuck into his arms and drags him down the path to the bridge. he turns to jeno, who fake gags, and renjun, who rolls his eyes. “they’re disgusting. i don’t even _want_ to know. anywho, chenle’s already taking pictures and buying stuff with jisung because mark and donghyuck wanted to wait for us while they didn’t. let’s go, i wanted to try some flower cookies.”

he lets himself get dragged away for the hundredth time. jeno steals his camera (again) and renjun temporarily ditches him to crash jisung’s photos. jaemin’s left to his own devices and starts wandering down the path, taking photos with his phone until he finally winds up in the area he came for in the first place.

next to the blossoms, there’s a long line of small stalls that are selling various things, from cookies to pink fizzy drinks to paper umbrellas, so he takes the chance to look around. he’s passing by a lady selling flower shaped cotton candy when the booth next to it garners his attention. 

the objects glint in the sun and blind him for a good two seconds. after regaining his sight, he moves closer and already starts bringing his wallet out. they’re paperweights; there are different spring flowers in each one and they all differ in size. jaemin zeroes in on a small cherry blossom one―the prettiest one without a doubt―and guesses that it’s around one and a half inches in diameter. 

“hi, how much is this one?” he breathes, holding it up in front of the sun. the vendor, an old lady, warmly smiles at him.

“it’s fifteen dollars, but because your hair matches it, i’ll sell it to you for ten,” she says, and motions for the paperweight. “let me wrap it up for you, young man.”

“no, no, no,” jaemin says, shaking his head, “please, let me pay it in full. you don’t have to give me a discount, ma’am.”

the old lady chuckles at him as she wraps the paperweight in light pink tissue paper. she tapes off the end and slips the paperweight into a paper bag. “anything else, or will that be all for you?”

“that’ll be all,” he confirms. he lays fifteen on the table. “but, you wouldn’t mind telling me how you made these, would you? i tried doing this with a maple leaf but there were so many air bubbles, it came out really ugly…”

jaemin squats down to hear her better.

“well, if you try to use a fresh flower or leaf, sometimes the moisture releases and causes air bubbles. what i do is dry and press the flower or leaf completely flat. has your mother ever pressed flowers into books? it’s the same concept.” 

that would’ve saved him _so much more_ pain.

“that makes a lot more sense… thank you for teaching me! maybe i’ll make another cherry blossom one for a friend of mine,” jaemin stands up and bows at her profusely until she waves him away. he goes back near the trees and bends down to pick up some blossoms that had fallen but hadn’t been trampled on.

he slips them in the paper bag and goes back to find his friends. jaemin finds them near the park’s pond where they’re snacking and sipping on strawberry lemonade. jisung’s the first one to spot him.

“jeez, look who’s back! we were trying to take your photos but you suddenly disappeared...but it looks like you were busy buying something,” jisung yells. jaemin rolls his eyes and sits next to jeno, who immediately snaps a photo of him.

“yeah, i got this paperweight,” he says and pulls out said object. he pulls off the pink tissue paper carefully and holds it in his palm. “it’s pretty, isn’t it?”

donghyuck scoots closer to look at it. “can i hold it?”

and he lets him take it out of his hands. donghyuck gently holds the paperweight between his fingers, rotates it a couple times, and stares at the dried cherry blossom in the center.

“it’s like it’s trapped in time,” donghyuck murmurs, “beauty frozen in time, in its own world, just…just chilling. sounds like a place i would want to be in, honestly. the past, right? it’s a thing of the past. cherry blossoms...they’re too fragile to hang onto.” 

renjun makes a small noise as he processes the words. “getting all deep on us, hyuck? but you have a point. especially with how fast the blossoms come and go…it really is the prettiest thing trapped in its own little bubble.”

“it’s good to appreciate the present,” mark sighs, laying his head in donghyuck’s lap as he, too, stares at the paperweight. “life’s too uncertain to not pay attention to where you are now. look for your happiness and take it. don’t hesitate being happy.”

it goes quiet. even chenle, who usually runs his mouth, is silent as he takes in his surroundings. jaemin hears the camera shutter go off and turns to see jeno take photos of everyone. 

❀

jaemin, in the end, does get his photos taken with the flowers before they get ready to leave. the sun starts its descent and the wind dwindles down into a small, calming breeze.

“are we hanging out?” chenle asks as they get to the parking lot. jeno and donghyuck visibly brighten and look at them with expectant eyes, excited to hang out and go to their usual spots after such a long time.

and _fuck,_ does jaemin try not to swallow too harshly. he wills down the bubbling of regret that threatens to rise. he does want to hang out, he really does, but this exam is something he’s been studying for ever since last week, and he doesn’t want to mess up on it. he needs to go back home and study.

“i have to go home and study,” he blurts out, already seeing some faces crumble.

jeno frowns at him. “but you’ve been studying all week last week, jaemin. c’mon, i think you deserve a small break. in fact, i think we all think that you need to take a break. you’ve been indoors for the longest with your head stuck in a book all for a test we know you’re going to pass.”

“next week, i swear,” jaemin says, eyes pleading as he looks at donghyuck. “i’ll hang out with you guys next week.”

it’s jisung’s turn to sigh. “but jaemin, you say that all the time and it never happens. it gets boring without you, you know?”

that hits him harder than expected. a reply gets frozen in his throat and his mouth opens only to close. he’s torn.

but mark saves him from combusting on the spot.

“fine, next week. keep your promise, na, or i’ll physically drag you out of your place and force you to go out with us. bro, this is the last time i’m letting you off,” mark warns. he sticks his head out the driver’s window. “donghyuck keeps whining about not seeing you and it’s starting to get annoying.”

jaemin cocks an eyebrow at donghyuck in the passenger seat, who’s currently hissing a colorful barrage of expletives at mark for exposing him. 

“tell your boy―tell your best friend there not to miss me so much, then,” he replies, and it’s _so easy_ to tease them, he’s internally surprised at himself. 

mark sputters and donghyuck (jeez) lets out the most dramatic wail he's ever heard. renjun and jeno burst out laughing, while chenle and jisung look on with amused grins.

“right,” mark says, jaemin noting the faint flush that paints his face, “we gotta get going. don’t be a stranger, man! see you next week.” the five of them watch as mark’s car fades into nothing, vanishing as soon as it enters the tunnel back into the city.

they say goodbye to chenle and jisung before taking their leave, too. jaemin drops jeno off at his house, since renjun had driven his car to jaemin’s. when he watches jeno disappear into his house, jaemin looks at renjun through the rearview mirror.

“are you going home right away?” he asks. renjun unbuckles his seatbelt and crawls to the passenger seat, plopping down before looking at jaemin. “nah. i figured you wouldn’t mind if i stayed the night.”

this is normal. renjun always stays longer than everyone else. so when they walk into jaemin’s place, jaemin places all of their bags (renjun got _a lot_ of things) on his coffee table and sits down on the sofa.

“you have a look on your face,” jaemin observes. “spill. i know you need to talk to me about something.”

renjun sighs. “it’s just…jaemin, we could’ve hung out with everyone today. you’ve studied all week for this test, one day will not hurt you. i’m pretty sure within the first two days you already covered all the material, and i don’t know why you’re so worried because you’re so damn smart―”

“this test determines if i fail the quarter or not, renjun. you out of all people should know this. i’m not going to waste my time for something that isn’t as important―” 

he realizes his mistake too late. jaemin freezes and his eyes widen as he stares at renjun. the older boy has tears forming in his eyes and there’s a slight tremble of his lips and _god,_ jaemin knows he fucked up badly.

“wait, i didn’t―”

“save it, jaemin,” renjun bites, wiping at the tears sliding down his cheeks. “you already said it. we’re not important. your test and grades mean more, i get it. i thought we had a whole talk about how grades don’t determine your value, jaem. am i not―”

jaemin abruptly stands up and grabs his keys. “stop. i know what you’re gonna say and it’s not true. you guys are some of the most important people in my life, don’t think otherwise…and of course i always listen, renjun. look. i’m taking a walk so both of us can calm down and not yell at each other. i promise i’ll talk about everything with you later tonight, okay? stay. i’ll be back in like, twenty minutes.”

he leaves before renjun can say more. his eyes burn when he closes the door and his sight warps before him. jaemin must look odd to any outsider; crying and stumbling outside in the sunset, holding nothing but his keys, a phone, and a slightly bent polaroid.

❀

to jaemin, having these talks are heartbreaking. he knows this and he beats himself up because it always ends up being renjun that he snaps with. jaemin breathes and gazes up at the sky as the sun begins its slumber. night falls much sooner than intended but jaemin finds comfort in the dark. after all, the moon doesn’t look at him as harshly as the sun does.

he strolls through the quiet neighborhood until he finds a row of pretty cherry blossom trees on the other side of the street. jaemin thinks back on the conversation from earlier, words ringing in his ears, and finds himself unconsciously walking towards the blossoms. 

jaemin doesn’t notice the car.

❀

the paperweight slips out of renjun’s hands and shatters into a million pieces the moment it makes contact with the floor. he curses loudly, already forming apologies in his head and reminds himself to buy a new one for him. carefully, he hops over the brittle shards of resin and walks to the pantry where jaemin’s broom is.

as he sweeps the mess up, his phone starts vibrating on the countertop, jaemin’s name staring back at him. renjun scrambles to pick it up.

“hey, are you―”

“hello, i’m one of the first responders to the scene. you’re na jaemin’s emergency contact. what is your name and relationship to the victim?”

renjun feels his heart drop. his stomach churns with nausea and he starts shaking out of fear. “huang renjun, ma’am. i’m his, um, best friend.”

“mister huang renjun, i’m so sorry to inform you and i am sending you my deepest condolences, but……”

renjun’s world stops, just like that. a sob rips out of his throat and he _screams,_ dropping to the floor and clutching onto his phone as all the strength in his body leaves. 

_oh jaemin, the world has turned so, so ugly._

**Author's Note:**

> cherry blossoms often represent how fast time flies by, how fleeting life is, and how short beauty can last; renewal.  
> take the time to find beauty in the smallest things, and continue making yourself happy.
> 
> [find out what's happening in the world rn!](https://getinformed.carrd.co/)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/laoxaichay)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/laoxaichay)


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